Well here we are six days from Christmas; I cannot believe how fast this has approached. I think i have all of my presents bought and wrapped. I put the Christmas tree up with lights, but I never did get around to decorating it. I haven't been able to find my Christmas spirit this year; usually my whole house is full of Christmas decorations and my tree has tons of ornaments on it. This year I am just trying to get through the next few weeks without falling apart.
I never would have imagined when I was pregnant with Joey that we would be where we are today; Joey is a very strong willed little guy and he seems to have a lot of new frustrations and aggressions. He gets mad at me and says "I hate you Mommy" or "I hate my Mommy". I only hope that he doesn't know what that means and he doesn't really hate me. He lashes out at me and scratches and bites me; my right hand is proof of that ;/
It is so difficult dealing with the fact that most people with 6 1/2 year olds are doing play dates, preparing for Santa to visit and looking forward to there child playing sports; not us. I focus on getting through the day, worrying about Joey while he is at School and thinking about what I can do to improve his quality of life. I just never would have imagined I would be where I am today.
I have an unconditional love for Joey that only a Mother could have. I look in Joey's eyes and realize he is not there; I only hope one day he can tell me how he really feels. I will continue to do everything in my power to make sure Joey is living a happy and successful life.
I find myself lately standing in the doorway of Joey's bedroom watching him sleep; knowing that is the only time that his brain actually shuts off and he can have some peace. I kiss his head a million times and tell him how much I love him.
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